Communication

Communication is one of the toughest skills to develop. For many adults we were to be seen on heard when we were growing up. For this generation of children, texting has replaced speaking as the number form of communication. I know, you are saying, “What does this have to do with Listening Skills”. I will tell you, a great deal.

Most marriages, relationships and work related divorces are in great cause due to lack of communication. The biggest reason why, lack of proper Listening Skills. In this lesson, we are going to teach you some great listening skills that will improve your overall communication with your family. Decrease the level of stress you feel, mainly in part because you feel like you have to keep repeating yourself.

The 5 Skills of Listening

It’s frustrating when our children don’t listen, isn’t it? When they don’t pay
attention to what you are saying at home, you wonder how much information they are missing at school.

In 20+ years of teaching Martial Arts we have developed a 5 step approach to teaching the skills of listening. You can easily teach these 5 steps to your child.

• The Listening Posture. Teach your child that when it’s time to listen, they must sit or stand up straight. Shoulders back, lift the chest a little. Chin high. This alone can double listening retention!
• Direct Eye Contact is Essential. Insist on it when you are speaking with your child. She will then be able to focus on the words being said. How many times have you spoken to your child only to see them fixated on a television program or video games. Get them to Focus their eyes on you and they will respond much better.
• Repeat the Message Back to the Speaker When Possible. For example, a child might say, “So, mom you’d like for me to clean up my room and feed the cat before I play on the computer”. This lets the speaker know your child has understood.
• Ask Questions? Coach your children to ask you respectful questions. This shows that they are paying attention and care about what the other person is saying. “Why do we have to rinse the dishes before we put them in the dishwasher, instead of, that’s stupid, that is what the dishwasher is for.
• Look for More Information. Especially with older children, train to ask themselves, “How does the speaker feel about what they are saying.” Are they angry? Bored? Interested? Concerned? Learn to react calmly, not with emotion if the other person is already angry or sad.

Parents, even young children can be taught these steps. Begin by reading them to your kids, and then practicing each skill.

When you observe your child losing focus, just the simple reminder, “Remember… listening skills!” will refocus them. And, of course, watch like a hawk for situations when your child does not listen effectively. Catch them doing it right and follow up with a huge dose of appreciation. “Honey, I am so proud of you for listening to what I was saying!”

Adult Listening Skills

As a man I can tell you that many times I am single minded, especially when I am watching sports or some history or car show. Much of that has to do with my work environment. I am spinning plates all day and when I get home, I just want to give my mind a rest. With all that being said, it would be a good idea that if you need to speak with your spouse. Find a time when you can turn the television off, get face to face with preferably no distraction. (I have 5 kids, I understand) This will improve how the two of you hear each other and hopefully will reduce the frustration either party feeling as though the other is not listening or dismissing their feelings.

In future lessons, we will give you some tips and tricks for improving communication skills in all areas of your life.